Patronuses
by Autumn Russell
Summary: Harry and Ginny were an okay couple, but after two years of dating Harry realized that their relationship was not really what he had envisioned. There was something... missing. Rated T for safety. Not epilogue compatible.
1. Happy Forever

**Patronuses Chapter 1 - Happy Forever**

Harry's parents were the perfect couple. They were equally matched in brilliance and stubbornness in a way that practically guaranteed a "happily ever after" marriage, the kind that made others jealous. And they would have been happy forever, Harry could feel it. He knew them deeper than anyone thought, and it wasn't in a way that Harry could put into words. He only knew that his internal knowledge of his parents was not based on the pictures, or the stories, or his own fantasies. He knew them in a way that defied knowing.

After the battle at Hogwarts, Harry continued to date Ginny for two years, but he kept her at a safe distance. He never pushed the relationship forward, but rather held back in a lot of ways. At first Ginny seemed to understand, but soon it became clear that Ginny was hoping for something more, some sign of their future together even though neither of them had turned twenty yet. It was on Harry's birthday (being celebrated at the Burrow) that Ginny reached for Harry's hand and led him up to her room.

"I have your birthday present, Harry," she said nervously.

Harry's eyes blinked and he chanced a glance around the room. "Oh?"

"It's me. I'm your present," and with that, Ginny made to pull her shirt off.

Harry rushed forward and stopped her hands. "Don't."

Ginny looked up into Harry's eyes, nervous embarrassment turning to anger as she tried to read his expression. "I've taken the potion, there's nothing to worry about," she tried to explain.

Harry's lips thinned and his eyebrows furled down. "I'm flattered, really, but I don't think we should."

"Don't you want me?"

Silence.

"You don't want me!"

"Ginny I –"

"Get out, Harry." Ginny turned to face her window, clutching her arms to her chest and trying not to cry.

Harry left, quietly closing the door. He made his way through the living room and then outside, wandering toward the cornfield to think. In truth, Harry wanted what Ginny was offering – her body and a future – but what she was about to do for him made him realize that he could no longer see a future with her as his wife.

At first he had been enamored by the idea of him and Ginny together forever, like his parents couldn't be. He looked so much like his father, and Ginny had red hair and brains like his mother. But somewhere inside, he knew that he was dreaming. Even the admiration and love he had for the Weasley family couldn't really justify him staying and marrying Ginny just to make everyone else happy.

Harry sighed and wandered deeper into the cornfield. How long would it be before everyone at the Burrow heard that he and Ginny had broken up? Would Ron come charging out to hex him for breaking her heart? Harry pulled his wand out of his pocket. He was planning to do something, anything, just to have something to do, but instead he just stared at the thin stick in his hand. He had learned a lot about wand lore during his hunt for Voldemort's horcruxes.

His wand was Holly and Phoenix feather, and meant just for him. If only love worked that way. If only there was someone as right for him as his wand; someone who he could connect with in a deeper way. Ginny was great, but there was something missing…

With a sigh, Harry pocketed his wand and headed back towards the Burrow to see how much trouble he was in.

**oOoOo**

Harry was surprised when Hermione was the one to confront him about Ginny. "Harry, what you did was probably –"

"I know, I know," Harry mumbled.

"—the best thing a man has ever done," Hermione concluded.

"Wait, what?"

Hermione moved closer and lowered her voice, glancing over her shoulder to make sure no one else was in hearing range. "Ginny and I had a long talk, and we agreed that you were right."

Harry goggled at her.

Hermione rolled her eyes and gave him a crooked smile. "Not many guys would have the self-control to refuse a solicitation like that. I know that Ron –"

"Hermione!"

"—Sorry, but I mean it. You did the right thing by refusing. Ginny's waiting in her room to talk to you."

Harry looked skeptical and Hermione chuckled. "Just talk, I promise."

Harry nodded and made his way back to Ginny's room. He hesitated outside the door and then knocked.

"Come in."

Harry opened the door to find Ginny sitting on her bed, fully clothed, her expression brightening when she saw who it was. "Hi," she said lamely.

"Hey, Hermione said you were waiting for me," Harry returned, leaving the door open and making his way towards her.

"Yes, I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have thrown myself at you; I should've known you're too noble for anything like that."

Harry shook his head. "You're gorgeous, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't tempted, but I know why you did it."

Ginny blinked, looking a little nervous. "You do?"

Harry nodded. "I can tell you're getting impatient with us, and I shouldn't have been leading you on this long. I should be apologizing."

Ginny's nervousness was instantly replaced as she repeated the phrase 'leading you on this long.' "What do you mean by that?"

"We haven't been working for a while, Gin… we both know that." He looked at her calmly, but noticed her face getting flushed with anger.

Harry forestalled her response. "I still care for you, but I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm sorry I didn't figure that out sooner."

"But, but –"

Harry could see the hurt on Ginny's face as she tried to find something to say that might make Harry take back what he'd said. When she found nothing but Harry's resolve the hurt turned to anger.

"You JERK!"

Ginny's shout was accompanied by a burst of uncontrolled magic that made the whole house shake.

"Ginny, dear, what is it, what's the matter?!" Mrs. Weasley's voice and footsteps were frantic. Harry stepped sideways as Mrs. Weasley rushed into the room.

Ginny ignored her mother, her eyes still fixed on Harry. "We are through, Harry Potter! Through!"

Harry nodded and left the room.

**oOoOo**

When Harry got downstairs it was clear that everyone had heard Ginny's pronouncement. Ron looked torn between anger and relief, but then he had never really liked the idea of Harry with his sister in the first place. Hermione was confused and the look on her face said that she'd be asking a million questions. George whistled low and then, to break the tension, said, "Little sis finally get tired of competing with your fangirls?" No one laughed.

Arthur coughed. "I'm sure that you two will work things out."

Harry looked straight at Arthur. "I'm sorry sir, but Ginny and I are over. I care for your daughter very much, sir, but I am not in love with her anymore."

No one had a response to that announcement, and after a moment of silence, Harry excused himself and walked out the front door. He was about halfway to the apparition boundary when Ron caught up to him.

"Harry, mate, where are you going?"

"Home."

"But it's your birthday. Come back inside. You know, have some cake and butterbeer –"

"Thanks Ron, but I'd rather not be here right now. Not for a couple of days, until Ginny's calm enough to not hex me."

"Hermione and I will be over later then, okay?"

"Sure."

**oOoOo**

It took a few months for Harry to be truly welcomed back at the Burrow. Ron was the first to accept Harry's decision, then Arthur, George, and eventually Hermione. Mrs. Weasley and Ginny were the last, but by Thanksgiving, everything was back to normal. Ginny commented on how nice it was to spend time with family, and then announced with a huge smile that she had started seeing someone. She even had the courtesy to ask Harry if he was dating.

"No, I'm not seeing anyone," Harry answered to the room at large.

"Why not?" Ron asked between bites. "I mean, you broke up with Ginny months ago." Hermione kicked him under the table. "Ow, what was that for?"

"For being tactless."

Ginny laughed. "It's alright. Harry knows what Ron means, don't you, Harry?" She gave him an impish grin.

Harry shrugged. "I haven't found anyone I want to go out with right now. Too many women only want me because of my fame."

"But you're single now. Enjoy it." Ron said with a grin. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Ron, you know better than that. Harry has never wanted to be famous," Hermione said.

"I know, I know. But still…."

**oOoOo**

It was the following May when Ron proposed to Hermione. Naturally, she said yes, and Mrs. Weasley threw them an engagement party that almost made Fleur jealous. Then again, Ron and Hermione were basically _the_ most perfect couple ever, in their own way. Harry still didn't understand how they could be screaming at each other one minute and then laughing the next, but it was just the way they bounced off each other.

Around midnight, Harry and Ron managed to escape the crowd of Weasleys and find a quiet place to talk.

"I don't know if I said 'congratulations' yet."

"You have. At least four times. Hermione could tell you exactly though if you really want to know." Ron gave Harry a cheeky grin. Harry chuckled weakly.

"Ron, can I ask you a serious question?"

Ron blinked. "Of course, mate. Anything you want to know that's not going to get me in trouble."

Harry stared out into the sky for a moment and then asked, "What does it feel like?"

Ron held up his hands. "Whoa – that would fall under 'information that'll get me in trouble'," Ron joked.

Harry gave him a soft punch in the arm. "Not that, prat. I mean, being so sure of your future with someone. Do you think that you and Hermione will be happy forever?"

Ron stared into the sky. "I have loved Hermione for ten years. I might not have known that I loved her then, but I did. I saw her for who she was and wasn't scared to call her bluffs. She never took any of my crap. I wanted to protect her even though I know she can take care of herself. And no matter how much I ragged on her, she would never have let me down. Yeah, I think that I will be happy forever, as long as I have her. Even if all we're doing is fighting, it will still be great, because it will be with her."

Harry nodded. "You're really lucky."

"Don't I know it." Ron hesitated and then said, "I kind of always thought you and Ginny… but I guess it's for the best. You'll find that special someone – someone who isn't just a fangirl."

Harry nodded his thanks, though it would probably be a long time before his fame wore off enough for people not to break into applause every time they saw him. He sighed.

Ron chuckled. "You've never been good at being anything but yourself and you hate it," Ron mused cryptically.

"What?"

"Well, you take such pride in being yourself, yet you resent the adoration of people who only see your scar." At Harry's somewhat mystified stare Ron added, "Hermione and I were arguing about your aversion to fame."

"When are you two not arguing," Harry joked.

"When we're snogging each other senseless," Ron retorted back, and they both laughed.

After a minute or so of silence, Harry said, "I almost wish there was a way to get to know someone without them knowing I'm me."

"Fat chance of that."

**oOoOo**

Ron spent most of his spare time during the month of June looking for a date for Harry. Preferably someone pretty, smart, and completely sheltered….

After a few weeks of nearly every attractive witch being completely star-struck by the thought of meeting Harry (let alone dating him), Ron was ready to give up. "There's not a witch in England that wouldn't turn in her wand to be with Harry."

Hermione nodded. "Perhaps Harry should consider dating a muggle."

Ron wrinkled up his nose. Hermione glared at him.

"It's not the same Hermione. You're a muggle-born _witch_, and your parents _know_ about magic. How could Harry ever date someone who couldn't understand him? Who he couldn't tell about his magic?"

Hermione shrugged. "Plenty of people at Hogwarts were half-bloods, or had you forgotten?"

Ron scratched his head. "Oh, yeah I guess they were."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You're partly right though," she said.

"I was?"

Hermione chuckled at Ron's confused but pleased face. "Yes. I think you're right that Harry probably wouldn't want to date a muggle because he'd be forced to hide his magic. Magic was the best thing that ever happened to Harry."

Ron nodded. He couldn't imagine having to try to hide his magic to date a muggle. Though he knew that Harry had basically grown up as a muggle, and would therefore be able to handle himself just fine, Ron couldn't help but feel that to suggest such an idea would be insulting. He slumped onto the couch next to Hermione and took her hand. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Ron."


	2. Blind Dates

**Patronuses Chapter 2 - Blind Dates**

July came, and Harry started thinking about how he was going to celebrate his twenty-first birthday. The Weasleys were great, and a second family to him, but he was seriously considering spending this birthday alone. Especially since last year's had been pretty wretched.

Hermione had owled the previous week to suggest that Harry spend some time in the muggle world. It wasn't a bad idea, and yet Harry still hadn't gone. He hadn't really spent any time in the muggle world since the big Horcrux hunt, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to be a part of that world again. Where would he go? What would he do?

Feeling somewhat lonely and nostalgic, Harry decided to visit the Dursleys. He changed into a nice clean set of slacks, button-up shirt, and tie; grabbed his wand; walked out past the apparition wards and was gone.

He reappeared in the alley between Wisteria Walk and Magnolia Crescent. Nothing had changed since he had saved Dudley from dementors in that very place. He started walking, confidently at first, but soon he became burdened by memories and indecisiveness.

This was the first time Harry had even thought about the Dursleys since the night he was "rescued" by the order nearly four years ago. Where had the Dursleys be taken that night? Had they even gone back to Number 4, Privet Drive?

He'd have to chance it.

He turned the corner onto Privet Drive and headed to number 4. Nervously, Harry straightened his tie. He wasn't sure of the reaction he was going to get. Hesitating on the doorstep, Harry noticed that Private Drive looked exactly the same, but then again, it was one of those places that never seemed to change.

_Knock, knock._

Petunia Dursley answered the door, her expression darkening when she saw who it was. Harry forced a smile and left his hands in plain sight as he said, "Hello, Aunt Petunia. May I come in?"

After a moment's thought, Mrs. Dursley nodded and opened the door to him. "I didn't realize you had heard," she said.

Rule one for a quiet life with the Dursleys: never ask questions. But Harry had grown up, and in some ways he had hoped he could be treated as an equal now. "Heard what?"

Petunia didn't respond as she led Harry into the living room. "Dudders, there's someone to see you."

Harry rounded the corner to find Uncle Vernon, Dudley, and a very pretty blond all sipping Champaign with smiles on their faces. When Vernon saw Harry his face changed instantly from one of happiness into a mix of fear, resentment, and anger. "What are you doing here, boy?" he thundered.

Dudley's reaction to seeing Harry was surprised but not hostile. "Dad," Dudley said in a tone that was meant to imply sometimes along the lines of 'please don't ruin this for me.'

"Good to see you too, Uncle Vernon," Harry responded calmly. Then to Dudley he said, "What's this? Little Duddykins is engaged?" It was the only logical explanation.

Dudley laughed and held out his hand to shake Harry's in welcome. "Yeah, actually. You might remember Marissa?"

Harry turned to the blond. She didn't seem familiar. "I'm sorry, no."

Marissa smiled and then held out her hand. "Marissa Barnes. Don't worry about it. We were in the same year. I always wondered what happened to you."

Harry's eyes flickered to his uncle's and then back. "I was a very troubled child, but I got the help I needed," Harry lied smoothly.

Dudley frowned, but Petunia and Vernon both looked relieved. Marissa just smiled. "Well I'm glad everything worked out for you. I hope you'll be at the wedding?"

"Be sure to send me an invitation."

"We will," Dudley answered with a nod.

**oOoOo**

Harry was reluctantly invited to stay for dinner, mostly at Marissa's insistence. She was happily chatting with Harry, trying to weasel information out of him. Harry merely said that it was a dark past that he didn't want to get into. Marissa's eyes widened and she looked positively thrilled. Harry couldn't imagine why.

About halfway through dinner, Marissa asked him a question that made everyone at the table stop what they were doing, just to hear the answer.

"So Harry, do you have a girlfriend?"

Harry set down his fork and replied, "No, why do you ask?"

"Well, I have a friend who adores men with a mysterious past. She's a few years younger than you, and she studied abroad for most of her school years at some elite private academy. She's currently single, and I think that you would get along famously. What do you say?"

Harry somehow had not comprehended what Marissa was implying. "What do I say to what?"

Marissa laughed. "To a blind date, of course." She turned to Dudley, "Your cousin is so funny!" More laughter from Marissa. Dudley forced a laugh which Petunia mirrored, but it died out quickly.

Harry was about to refuse, but he hesitated. He was torn between the idea of meeting someone who might be able to get to know him without all the wizarding world drama and the thought that he would have to lie about basically everything. He shook his head.

"Oh, come on, one tiny little date?" Marissa was pouting.

**oOoOo**

Harry stood outside a small café, trying to remember how he had been talked into this. After he had said no to the idea of a blind date, Marissa's questions about his past had become more pointed and uncomfortable. Harry couldn't answer because he wasn't sure what his aunt and uncle had told people, and Marissa was becoming suspicious. So, to distract her, Harry had agreed to the blind date.

He was meeting a girl named Natalie McDonald. He didn't know why, but the name sounded familiar… but that couldn't be, right? Natalie was a muggle friend of Marissa's. Perhaps it was simply the fact that McDonald was a common enough last name. Yes, that would have to be it.

Harry was holding a white rose as his identifier. He brushed it nervously across the fingers of his left hand while he waited. Plenty of good-looking women passed by, but none of them approached. Harry checked his watch.

"Hello," a voice said from behind him.

Harry turned to see a young woman with dark brown hair smiling at him. "You must be Harry," she said, holding out her hand.

Harry nodded and shook her proffered hand. He couldn't help but notice that her hand was soft and warm and it made his stomach churn in a not-unpleasant way. "Yes. You must be Natalie."

"I am." She smiled. Harry thought she had a nice smile. He reluctantly let go of her hand, and offered the rose. Natalie smiled, took the rose and snapped it in half. Harry was about to protest when Natalie took the short end (the one with the blossom) and tucked it into her hair.

Harry adjusted his glasses, at a loss of what to say or do next. It had been a year since Ginny, and before that… well, Ginny had been the one to steer the relationship. Natalie broke the tension. "So, shall we go in? I've heard the coffee here is great."

**oOoOo**

Harry and Natalie ordered drinks at the counter and then found a small table to sit at. For a few moments, neither spoke, but Harry decided he hadn't been placed in Gryffindor for nothing, and cleared his throat.

"Sorry about this," he said. Then realizing how it must have sounded, he added, "I mean, you didn't have to agree to this. I only said yes because Marissa was so insistent."

Natalie smiled and looked down at her cup. "How do you know Marissa anyways? She's never talked about you before."

"Oh, she's engaged to my cousin."

"Really? I didn't know." She looked almost sad to Harry when she said that.

"Well, I only found out a few days ago. I sort of dropped by unannounced at my uncle's house."

"Right," Natalie said. "Of course. That must be what Saturday's party will be about. And why Marissa insisted we have our blind date first. She must be expecting us to hit it off so that I can have a date to her engagement party too." Natalie let out an exasperated sigh and then laughed. "Marissa's always been a bit of a matchmaker."

Harry smiled. "Are you two very close?"

"As close as we can be, I guess. We've had very different lives."

"I know how that goes," Harry muttered, but Natalie heard him.

"Are you and Dudley close?"

"No, not at all," Harry said with a small laugh at the absurdity. Seeing Natalie's questioning look he added, "Dudley and I never got along when we were growing up."

"You lived with the Dursleys?"

"Yeah, they took me in when my parents were… died in a car crash."

If Natalie heard the hesitation she didn't comment on it. She sipped at her drink with her brow furled in thought. Harry started to feel guilty. He had just lied to her and he'd only known her for fifteen minutes. Perhaps this was a bad idea. "I need to go," he said, standing. "I'm sorry."

"Wait," Natalie said, causing Harry to pause. She rummaged in her purse and pulled out a pen and a piece of paper. She scribbled something and then pushed the pen back into her bag. She held out the note with a smile. "My phone number, if you'd like to try this again. I had a good time."

Harry blinked at her in surprise as he took the paper from her. "Really?"

"Yes, of course," Natalie said. "I wouldn't give you a fake phone number, that's just silly."

Harry chuckled. "I didn't mean that. I thought I was messing this up."

"First dates are always awkward," Natalie said. "But since you haven't insulted me or spilled something on my dress, and since neither of us has been interrupted improbably by an ex-lover, I would have to say this was pretty nice."

"Would you like to go out with me again?"

"I'd love to. When?"

**oOoOo**

Harry was meeting Natalie again for dinner that night. He was uncharacteristically optimistic about the evening, though he couldn't explain why. He had decided to be honest about everything in a non-specific way. He'd be true to his character, and hoped that Natalie could just learn to like him without knowing details about his past. It wouldn't be that hard. Harry had never even told Ginny.

Harry frowned at that realization. Ginny never concerned herself with the past, only the future. At first, Harry had thought she understood that he just needed some time, but that wasn't the case. They had never talked much about their childhood, and they didn't confide in each other. He had never asked her about what she heard when the dementors got close, never had her share her experience with the diary horcrux. He didn't ask her because she didn't ask him. She didn't want to know the details, she just accepted things are they were.

Harry was still frowning when Natalie approached him. "Do I look that bad," she joked nervously.

Harry's eyes focused on her. Natalie's dark hair was hanging loose in silky waves just past her shoulders, and she was dressed nicely in a white summer-dress. When Harry looked closer he realized that the dress was actually comprised of tightly packed white lilies on a green background.

"You look great."

Natalie blushed.

**oOoOo**

Dinner was nice in a way that Harry wasn't used to. The Dursleys had always made him feel unwanted, Hogwarts had been filled with noisy adolescents, the Weasleys were loud and boisterous… It was nice to be alone with someone new. Natalie smiled when she caught him staring at her.

"Do I have sauce on my chin or something?"

Harry took a chance. "Yes. Here, let me get it." He picked up his napkin and gently reached across the table to wipe the imaginary sauce off Natalie's chin.

She chuckled. "Thank you."

"No problem."

"So what are our plans for after dinner?"

Harry felt his face get warm. "What do you mean?"

"Were we just going to say goodnight, or did you want to take a walk, or go dancing?" Natalie looked hopeful.

"I didn't have any plans," Harry said, praying that Natalie couldn't tell that his mind had taken a rather ungentlemanly leap. "Would you like to take a walk or go dancing?"

"Do you dance?"

"A little, but I'm not very good." The last time Harry had danced in public was Percy's wedding. He danced two songs with Ginny and one with Hermione. Before that the only time was the Yule Ball during fourth year, and that one was only because he had to. Another thought occurred to Harry that he and Ginny hadn't danced together since Percy's wedding.

"I'm sure you're better than you think. Perhaps you just haven't had the right partner," Natalie commented.

Harry frowned. Natalie had just said exactly what he was thinking.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No," Harry said, trying to repress his confusion. "No, I was just thinking the same thing and it caught me off-guard," he admitted.

Natalie chuckled again. "You say the strangest things sometimes, Harry."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, sometimes I can tell that you take great care in planning what you're going to say. Then other times you just talk. The strange part is that you seem more guarded about seemingly less important things. It's unusual."

_Seemingly less important things?_

Natalie continued. "Our pasts make us who we are, but most people find it easier to try to hold up their past as a defense to their personality. You're the exact opposite."

Harry nodded. "I want you to get to know me as I am, not by what I have or haven't done."

Natalie smiled. "Me too."

**oOoOo**

After dinner, Natalie led Harry down the road to a small and slightly unremarkable building. "This is _The Jig_. It has a big dance floor and a different theme each night," she explained.

"Different theme?"

"Different music and styles of dance. Let's see what tonight's theme is. If you don't like it, we don't have to stay."

"Fair enough."

Natalie pulled open the outer door and led the way up to the coat-check. "Excuse me," she said as she set her purse on the counter. "Could you tell me what the theme for tonight is, please?"

"Country dances, miss."

"And is there room in the form for us?"

"I believe so."

Natalie smiled. "Thank you." She turned back to look at Harry. "What do you think?"

Harry shrugged. "I don't know any country dances."

"Don't worry, I'll teach you."

Natalie insisted that Harry at least try three dances and if he still hated it they would leave, so they checked their coats and Natalie's purse and entered the dance hall.

The room was about a third of the size of the Great Hall at Hogwarts. It was full of couples ranging from their early teens to middle-aged. No one looked twice at Harry, and it was a relief to not hear 'Look, it's Harry Potter!' followed by applause.

Natalie took Harry's hand, distracting him from his thoughts, and led him over to where he needed to stand for the next song. "Just do what everyone else does," she said.

Harry looked around a bit nervously. "First time, lad," the man next to him asked with a knowing smile. Harry nodded, but there was no time to ask what to do because the music started.

Country dancing was reminiscent of renaissance court dancing, only with livelier music and bouncier steps. People traded partners occasionally throughout the dancing, but always ended up with the person they had started with. It wasn't a bad experience at all and Harry was actually enjoying himself.

_A/N: Like all authors, I would love reviews. =D_


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